The Jester
by Arkham Inmate A143
Summary: Gotham has never met a couple like Jerome Valeska and Ellie Q, and soon they'll wish they never had. An updated version of a story I posted a while ago. Updates will be once a week. Enjoy.
1. Prologue

He had never met anyone like the girl before him. The only thing he knew about her was that she killed someone, and that any lawyer would be able to get her off by claiming insanity. No sane person would come skipping into the station, literally, pick him out from all other officers and detectives in the precinct, drop herself into his lap and challenge him to figure out who she killed. She hadn't said a word about her crime since the initial statement, but she wouldn't stop talking otherwise.

It was raining outside; that the detective was able to deduce from her soaking wet clothes and dripping hair. He temporarily passed her off to a female cop and told her to get the girl something dry to change into and then to put her in the interrogation room. Then he brought Harvey and the chief up to speed.

"You don't even know her name?" Chief Essen asked.

"No, you know everything I know." Gordon told her, "Except that her favorite colors green."

"She's an upper level student at Anders. Or at least she was wearing a uniform for an upper level student." Harvey informed.

"It's a start," Essen declared. "Bullock, take her mug shot to the school and see if anyone recognizes her. Gordon, see what you can get out of her. But take everything she says with a grain of salt, we don't know how reliable her word."

She was humming when he entered the room, the tone reminding him of a Jack-in-the-box toy. Her school uniform had been entered into evidence, and the small auburn haired teen was given a too-large pair of sweet pants and an oversize police academy t-shirt. Dried blood was coating the parts of her skin shielded from the rain, and was beginning to flake.

"How are you?" James asked, sitting down across from her.

"I'm kinda hungry, I didn't get ta eat after school," She answered, "But ya don't really care, do ya? Ya don't even know mah name. If ya ask really nicely, and if ya know the magic word, I might just tell ya."

James sighed, but decided to play along. It would save time in the long run. "Will you please tell me your name?"

"Why would I do that?" The girl asked, "If I tell ya mah name then you'll just put meh in jail. I wouldn't do so well in jail! I'm tiny, yah see, barely five three. They'll eat meh alive! I've heard stories about Blackgate, and trust meh babes, it ain't pretty."

"No judge will send you to Blackgate, I promise you that." It was clear as day, the girl before him was not sane and there was only one place where she could possibly end up.

She raised an eyebrow, "Ya do remember that I killed someone, right? The judge 'as gotta put meh somewhere."

"There are places that will help you, the judge will send you to one of them. Now, will you tell me why you are here?"

"Do ya have memory issues or somethin'? I told ya, I killed somebody."

"You're very literal. Let's try this again, tell me you name, age, and who you killed."

"Oh! Ya should have just said that. Let's see… well, first off, I have been on this lovely planet for the past seventeen years as of next week, and when I got home from school today mah step-daddy went ah bit too far so I stabbed him in the throat with ah fork. And mah name's Eleanor, but ya can call me Ellie. Most people do."

"Move it, freak. We don't have all day." One of the orderlies escorting Ellie to the common area ordered, pushing her forward. She stumbled over her feet and feel to the ground, barely managing to break her fall.

"Watch it, yah meatheads!" Ellie scolded the Arkham Asylum workers. Her accented voice drew the attention of the inmates loitering in the common area. "I'm delicate."

"You deserve what you get," An orderly spat, yanking Ellie up from the floor as the other unlocked the gate. "All you nut jobs do."

Ellie was shoved through the gate unceremoniously, once again falling to her hands and knees. She turned over and inspected the skin on her knees. "I told yah to watch it! I wasn't lyin' when I said I was delicate, and now I'm gonna be sportin' a pair of bruised knees without even getting' ta do anythin' fun ta cause it."

"Careful freak, you don't want to give any of the other inmates any ideas now, do you?" One of the orderlies taunted as he locked her away.

Ellie cocked her head to the side and widened her eyes and then, without any other warning, burst into a psychotic laughter, one that would haunt the orderlies' dreams for weeks to come.

The pair took off, not wanting to stick around longer than necessary. "What?" She called after them as the scurried down the hall, "Don'tcha like mah laugh?"

The laugh slowed as Ellie watched her man handlers disappear around the corner.

"About time someone fun was admitted," A voice spoke up behind the teen. She spun her body around and stared up at the ginger boy before her.

"Did ya like mah laugh?" Ellie asked, holding her hand out for him to help her up.

"I _loved_ your laugh," The boy told her, making her beam with joy, as he took her offered hand. He pulled her up and used his other hand to press her body closer to his. "What's your name, beautiful?"

Ellie liked the way the boy talked, it was like he took genuine amusement from everything he saw. "Ellie Q."

The boy lifted Ellie's hand to his lips and pressed a kiss to the back of it. "I'm Jerome," he introduced himself, "and I believe with all my heart, beautiful, that this is just the beginning of our story."


	2. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

"Say, Ellie, you've been in the nut house with us for, what would you say, about a month and a half, and you still have yet to tell us what landed you in here. I think it's time you tell us what yah did. What do you say, darlin', are you gonna tell us what crazy crime a little thing like you could commit to land you in Arkham?" Asked Jerome as he placed his breakfast tray on the table next to the girl's own. "What are you in for, doll?"

"I told yah, J. I don' wanna talk about it. It's best ta leave the past in the past. It doesn't matta anymore, I'm here and I ain't leavin' any time soon." Ellie told him as the ginger boy pulled her into his lap. He pinched her chin, and forced her green eyes onto him instead of the table. No one intervened, the orderlies didn't care and the inmates knew better. Ellie and Jerome were best left to their business when he became domineering with the young girl. It only took one inmate trying to repent for his sins by intervening with the couple for the rest of the inmates at Arkham to learn that lesson. Jerome had taken it upon himself to punish the poor soul. Outside of the two, only Ellie knew what happened to the man who tried to be her savior. All anyone else knew, was that whatever Jerome did, it ended with the man biting off his on tongue and swallowing it.

"I've been nice to you, haven't I? Let you take your time and adjust to life here, life with me." Jerome asked. Ellie nodded, a frown over taking her chapped lips. "Then why are you hiding your past from me? You know I care about you, that I would never judge you. But I'm tired. I'm tired of you telling me over and over again that it's 'best to leave the past in the past.' I've accepted that, but not anymore. Now tell me, darlin', what landed Ellie Q in Arkham?"

"Mah step dad. He was an abusin' bastard an' I got sick of it. So one day, when I was makin' dinner and he was bein' extra mean to mommy, I stuck the knife I was usin' in his neck. Mommy was sad though, so I went the precinct near mah house, found someone who looked nice, and told 'im what I did. They stuck me here to wait until my trial but the Doc said that I wasn' fit to stand an' that it's best for society an' mahself for me to stay here," Ellie told the boy. "It ain't so bad, free food, place ta sleep, nice people, you protectin' me. Betta than where I used ta live. Don't got no step daddy callin' me 'his precious little doll here.'"

"What do you consider mean?" Robert Greenwood asked, the only resident at Arkham with his specific dietary needs. Before he was arrested, Greenwood had killed and eaten twelve women, and with the way he sometimes looked at Ellie, she couldn't be sure that she wasn't next. "With the way you act, it seems like you would consider your step dad smacking your mom on her tight little ass mean."

Ellie kicked Greenwood under the table. "I don't like vulgar people either," she offered with a shrug as a means of defense. "And yah're both, so I'd watch it if I were yah. I killed the guy that helped raised me since I was eight, and I killed mah real daddy before that. What do yah think I'd do to someone I care nothin' about?"

She stuck her spork into the slice of canned peach on her plate, the sugar-syrup coated morsel separating into two as a result.

"Why did you kill your biological father?" Richard Sionis asked. He was the self-declared leader in the asylum, and expected all the other inmates to treat him as such. Ellie didn't like him much, and if it wasn't for Jerome explaining to her how they could use his ego to their advantage, she would have gouged his eyes out the week after he was admitted. "How did you do it?"

"He was icky. He always smelled like gasoline and cigarettes and it made me sick to my stomach. He liked to touch me in ways daddy's aren't s'pposed ta touch daughters. It made me feel like creepy crawlies were crawlin' all ova mah body, and I hate bugs. I used ta burn 'em, and pull 'em apart, and drown 'em, and squish 'em. So one day, when school was out for some holiday or somethin', mah daddy took me ta work with him at the garage his family owned. He was workin' on some big, fancy car, (because mah daddy was the best and all the rich people had him fix their cars) and I pressed the button that lowered the car. He was layin' under it and couldn't move in time, so it made him pop."

"Was your father Ben Quinzel?" Sionis asked.

"How do yah know mah daddy's name?"

"Ellie, you know I am one of Gotham's wealthiest and most influential citizens. I was a client of Ben Quinzel. He was the only man I trusted to fix my cars. I was disappointed to hear he died in an accident, though I suppose it wasn't an accident. After his death I had to fly someone in whenever one of my cars needed work."

"How old are you?" Greenwood asked, "You don't look like you could be older than my niece, and she's thirteen."

"Tsk, tsk, Robert." Jerome shook his head in disappointment. "Don't you know better than to ask a lady her age? It's rude.o"

"Fine, if you want to screw a kid, so be it."

"I ain't ah kid," Ellie said, clearly offended by the cannibal mistaking her for someone so young. "I'm seventeen, I just got a round face and big eyes. Makes me look younger than I am when I got no makeup on."

Ellie couldn't have been happier when the metal gates locking the inmates up like zoo animals opened up and slammed shut. The loud clanging signaled one of two things, as the gate was only opened during shift change, and when there was a new inmate. Shift change was hours ago.

"She's pretty," Ellie said, her eyes already on the new girl. The rest of the group followed her gaze and stared down the new blonde.

"Yes, she is," Sionis agreed, only for Ellie to roll her eyes, as the girl locked eyes with Jerome before moving on and following the guard's orders.

"I do like blondes," Jerome said, his eyes still on the new inmate, failing to realize that the smile on Ellie's face turned to a frown with his words.

"Hey, genius," Greenwood laughed, the only one at the table to notice the change in the normally smiling girl, "You just upset your pink haired girlfriend."

"Come on, Cotton Candy," Jerome said, pulling the petite girl into his lap, "You know you're my girl. No blonde in gonna change that, beautiful." He kissed her cheek, trying to make her smile, then her nose with the same goal, then her chin, neck, and lips before she finally broke into a smile and returned the kiss.

They were yelled at by the orderlies, threatened with sedatives if they didn't break it up. The pair did so, falling into laughs that make the hair on every inmate, orderly, and doctor alike stand on end, before Jerome took hold of Ellie's pale face and forced her lips on his to resume their kiss. She didn't mind one bit.


End file.
